Could be worse

I am so tired! During recess this afternoon I literally just laid down and took a teeny nap. It is so tiring keeping up with my kids! 15 piggy back rides every recess. 15 hands up in in the air after every assignment. 15 kids asking to go to the bathroom every time it rains just so they can get wet. On the up side, we had computer class for the first time today! It was a nice little break from the usual routine. My kids got the giggles the 2nd part of the day, and literally couldn't stop laughing no matter what. I got to sub for 6th grade PE because Tammi didn't know how to play capture the flag! Right after I finished at 2:30 I ran to the gym to teach them! They were so funny and so cute. The other day I brought Austin, who teaches 3rd grade, some stuff he left at our apartment. He was so happy that he told all his kids to hug me every time they see me. I literally have never seen one of those kids without them giving me a giant hug. So, today when I was out teaching 6th grade PE, he let his kids out for recess and they all ran up and attacked me. This started off my 2nd grade who were waiting for their parents to pick them up and I had them all attack me too. There is just so much love at this school! I truly love every single one of my kids, even though sometimes I just want to scream. There are always cute things that make me laugh when I'm trying to be serious too! After school we talked for a while and then went back to our apartment. On the way upstairs, we ran into Jesse and Hayley and she was crying. We tried to figure out what was wrong but she just went inside. Later on she came up and explained what a terrible day she had! Some of the kids in high school are so mean! She and Jesse ride the bus from PMA every day after school and always sit in the same seat. Today some mean kid wrote really bad words on their seat and put sticky glue down so when they would sit down they would get all messy. Another girl always talks back to her in class and rips up the detention slips she gives her. Right now I am so grateful that I don't have to teach in high school! All I have to do is promise my kids some marbles and I get relative silence.
I am so excited for our trip to the rock islands this weekend! I finally turned in the photo we were supposed to give today, even though I had to take my lunch break to go get it done. We got our passes and only had to pay $15! We have to bring our own food and water and bedding, but it's still going to be such a fun adventure! I can't wait to sleep in a hammock and spear fish! It's such a nice break that there is no school Monday. A break is greatly needed.

Lovin the rain

Today was uncharastically fantastic. I got up a bit early, around 4, and then woke up again for every 20 minutes until 6:30. Luckily, Austin arrived at 7 so we went and got coffee! Once I had that in my system, the day was sparkley! We whipped through bible and all other subjects, taking pictures in between! The kids were relatively quiet and no one had back work! Another small victory is that no one cried at recess! Talk about a day of firsts. The day went well and after school I even stayed for a while to grade and clean up my room. Shayne came in and asked me to read her a book, which turned into 4 books. I finally headed home around 4 and just as I entered our apartment, it began to pour rain! Tammi, Jeanine, and I literally skipped down the stairs and down to the street just so we could frolic in the rain! It felt so good that I wanted to slide, but there were still about 40 kids left at school and they were already giving us weird looks. I finally just couldn't contain myself and had to run down the street and get all wet. Once we got to the opposite end of the school, we heard Ms. Igalau calling Tammi's name. We thought for sure that we would get in trouble, especially Tammi because she was out of uniform and in shorts. When we got there, we saw three boys all being held apart by Jojo, another teacher. Apparently they had been fist fighting and they were in Tammi's class. She had to deal with that, while Jeanine and I just sat in the rain. After it was finally over, we went to get Taro shakes and I got to console them both because they had a terrible day. In Jeanines class, a little boy Ponchie punched 3 kids! Tammi's kids had to lose recess because they were being so loud and disruptive. Thank goodness I had such an easy day! We also went grocery shopping and I can officially say I am out of money. Luckily we get paid on Friday, before our staff retreat to the rock islands!

Are you talking to me?

I know I just posted. I know I blog a lot. I gave up on the journal and this is now my diary. You don't have to read. You don't have to follow. But I need this.

A few minutes ago I was talking to one of my best friends. She is on the island of Yap right now and we are virtually the closest people from back home. It's great because though our experiences are totally different, we can empathize because some things are still similar.

Me: "It's hard though. It's hard when things here seem so modern and it feels like no one wants or needs God. It's hard because not everyone here is on the same place in their spiritual walk. It's hard because I feel that I should know the people better by now and I don't. It seems like as hard as I try, I'll just be pointless here."

While writing this to her on skype, I was also reading the book Crazy Love. As I finished typing that, I read this:

God (via Francis Chan): "Don't be anxious about anything." -Philippians 4:6

Me: "But it's hard because I am so weak and there are so many temptations here. It's hard because I don't know hymns, and I don't know how to be friends with my kids while also being in charge. I'm not complaining. I expected it to be like this. I just hate feeling so insignificant."

God: "Worry implies that you don't quite trust that I am big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what is happening in your live. Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace to others, or our tight grip of control. Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust Me because the stuff in our life is somehow exceptional. They reek of arrogance. It's like this: imagine that you are an extra in a movie. You only see the back of your head for 2/5 of a second in one scene. If you pointed this out to everyone you know, you might get your mom to care. Imagine that you rented out a movie theater for the premiere, what would people say? You're crazy, the movie isn't about you! Now consider the movie of life. God creates the world. The people rebel against God who floods the earth to get rid of the mess. God singles out Abram to make father of the nation. God picks Mary and Joseph, God sends judges and prophets to His nation, God is born into this world. Then, the Son of God dies for everyone and goes back up to be with God. How is it possible that YOU live as though it is about you?"

Me: "I know.I'm sorry! My 2/5 of a second are what I'm trying to use here. I just feel so frustrated because I feel like I'm not using them like I should.I know it's not about me, but it's hard not to think about myself because it's the only life I have."

God: "To be honest, it doesn't really matter what place you find yourself in right now. Your part is to bring Me glory. The point of life is to point to me. Frankly, you need to get over yourself. You said that you were here for me, so stop worrying about you. Who cares if it's modern? Be thankful that you have what you do. Who cares about their spiritual walk? All that matters is you and Me. Who cares who you know? All that matters is that they know Me, and you know Me. You think I care if you know hymns? Praise Me however you want. You think I care if you're weak. Come to me. I'll make you strong."

First conversation with God. In the past I'd just pray and listen to myself talk. I've never had God talk back. I'm overwhelmed, and literally have tear spilling out of my eyes, because God took the time to give me hope. He told me to pick up Crazy Love, and told me to read that page, that place. He told me to talk to Rychelle and told her to tell me everything will be okay. He told me to be honest with her and honest with myself. It's funny, but I don't feel so insignificant anymore.

I'm just so lucky

Sunday's are always the best day of the week. Don't get me wrong, I adore Saturday, but Sunday is always a new adventure. Weather we're trying out taro shakes with tapioca, feeding the sharks, or just meeting new people! Today, it was our 4th time scuba diving! Originally, I woke up at 4:30, planning to run for awareness for woman abuse. I just couldn't pull myself out of bed, so instead I tossed and turned for another hour and a half until I had to get up for diving. We finally got to take our "finals" and we all passed! Thankfully, even those of us who didn't study...Then we hit the water! We practiced swimming down at 40 feet and saw lots of amazing things! The coolest parts were the feathery starfish, the giant spiky ball, and all the electric blue fish! I also got to backroll into the water for the first time which was exciting! After everyone was done, I worked alone with Kostas because last time I couldn't get in the water because of my foot. I'm scared that after today all the bumps and pain will be back, but it's a risk I'm totally willing to take. After we worked for a while, we went back to Sams for lunch and a short break. Then back out to open water! We did another dive and praticed losing our masks, buddy breathing, and taking all our equipment off. It was so much fun but so tiring! It was scary knowing that if something went wrong, all you have is another inexperienced buddy to help you! But of course, everything went well and now we're only one dive away from being certified! When we got back to SDA I spent at least an hour working on grades and lesson plans and trying to explain the confusing system to Jeanine. At least we took a break and went and got taro shakes with tapioca. If you've never tried one of those, WOW! Talk about a party in your mouth. I can't get enough of them! As we were leaving the stand a boy who was touring from Japan stopped us so he could take a picture with us. It was really funny because he didn't speak any English except "I can't speak English". It seemed to make him happy to pose with us though. When we got home, Tammi went to eat some of her leftover birthday cake. As she took her first bite she let out a huge shriek! I couldn't figure out what was wrong until I looked closely at the cake. There was a cockroach embedded in her bite! Needless to say, things aren't even safe from bugs in the refrigerator!

If you like ants

If you like ants, this is the place for you! As we were cleaning up our apartment today, I set down some cookies that one of my kids gave me. They were in a plastic bag and I just set them down on the counter for a few minutes while I swept and cleaned my room. Before I tell you the fabulous results of my action, I'll talk about the rest of my day. Before cleaning, we had school like normal. Bible and math were completly quiet because I told them if I heard even one word we weren't going to watch Vegetales! Talk about incentive! At the end of the day, I took them to the library and let them listen to Vegetales...We were supposed to watch it, but the TV screen was broken so we just listend. After cleaning, Tammi, Jeanine and I literally sat in our kitchen sweating out our body weight, talking for 5 stright hours! It was so nice to just talk about life and how our lives at home were and how different it is here! Even after we watched the sunset, we just sat in our kitchen talking. It was such a great feeling and I'm so happy that I'm becoming so close with them. So what happened with the ants? Well, as you can see above, they decended like a mom at a back to school sales. I literally didn't leave the cookies there for even an hour and when I returned that is what I saw!

Bucket List

So I've been thinking a lot about new experiences lately, probably because I have one every single day. Today, I made my own curtains! We don't have any in the apartment, so I bought some white sheets and cut them up. They look pretty good, at least to me. This afternoon as I was contemplating starting early on lesson plans, I decided that while I was already being productive, I'd start a bucket list too. I know that most people think it's either way too predictable, unattainable, or pointless. I'm thinking, hey, I've already done a lot in my life, and I'm sure I'll do a lot more- why not write it down? So though this is the roughest of the rough drafts, here it goes:

• Live in Greece



• Write a book



• Hike to Everest base camp



• Get a tattoo



• Do the splits on the Great Wall of China



• Skydive



• Scuba dive on the Great Barrier Reef in Australia



• Go sailing



• Scuba dive on a shipwreck



• Ride in a hot air balloon



• Learn to tango



• Canoe down the Amazon river



• Get a motorcycle license



• Experience prayer time in Mecca



• Pet a tiger



• Watch sumo wrestlers in Japan



• Go to "The Carnival" in Venice



• Read or watch the complete works of Shakespeare



• Backpack Europe



• Go to the airport, buy a ticket, and go



• Read the Bible cover to cover



• Watch a World Series game in Fenway Park in New York



• Learn to dance in Bali, Indonesia



• Spend New Years Eve in Times Square



• Run with the bulls in Spain



• Change a life



• Visit all 257 countries in the world

Baking bread

Saturday afternoon hike

Almost all the SM's!

Paradise :]

Scuba

My classroom

Waiting at the clinic...


It was pretty bad

Learning how to T.A.N.G.O.

at the dropoff

Just a bit out of the ordinary

Tammi's birthday :]

I tied a tie!

Dress up

Coconuts!

Today was the most interesting day that I've had by far. It started off with early morning staff worship where I talked about my foot experience and how I received money just in time to pay for my medication. Everyone liked it and it was pretty good. All morning classes went well, I gave my kids free time, and everyone listened, sat in their desks, and got stickers! After lunch, the classes went well up until recess at 1 o'clock. When we got out there, I saw a commotion going on by the 6th grade classroom. 3rd grade was at recess too so Austin was out talking to some girls on the ground. When I walked up, I saw two 6th graders crying hysterically. They were in a straight panic and would not calm down or breathe. I finally sat down and talked to them and they told me what was wrong. Apparently as they were walking down to the bathroom, they heard a little girl calling their names. She was screaming for help and they went down to the basement to try to help her. They said that it got louder and louder but when they got down there it was locked. The administrators checked and it had been locked all day. There was no one down there and no one could hear anything, even though the girls kept hearing it. I took them to the office to talk to the principal and calm down and they told me that this isn't the first time that happened. They told me that no one ever believes them, but they see dead people sometimes. One told me that she sees a girl with straight black hair with a chopped up face at her window at night. She told me that the girl talks to her and calls her name and she tries to ignore her because no one ever believes her when she tells them. The other girl told me that she has seen people outside her window at night and sometimes they scream but she doesn't know what to do. I was so sad for them because even though no one else in the school believes them, I do. None of the teachers or other SM's think that they heard anything or saw anything, but I'm sure that was real fear and it really happened, at least in their mind. I'm not sure if they have some kind of disorder or there are really demonic forces at play, but I told them that what we needed to do was pray. I knelt down with them on the office floor and we prayed for safety and God's presence. After that they calmed down and stopped crying. Of course, I had to go back to 2nd grade and tell them the whole story. Of course, I told them that the girls were scared by another kid screaming "rawr" and jumping out from behind a tree. Needless to say, the kids asked hundreds of questions and I ended up giving them recess the rest of the day. It was a really weird experience because I truly do believe in demonic forces in the world. I was the one who had to go check the bathroom for the "little girl" and I'm not going to lie, I was scared! But of course, singing bible songs helped :]

On the way to PMA

Lunch for Tammi's birthday

Coffee!!

Victor getting us coconuts!

My foot couldn't get wet!

Pretty rainbow!

Shark!!

getting better :]

Oh you know...

Disclaimer: So, I'm thinking about turning this blog into a book. My good friend Lindsey suggested it and I had already been thinking about it, so why not? Of course, I need someone to want to turn it into a book, which means more followers. So, if you're reading my blog right now and you're not a follower, FOLLOW ME! And tell your friends or other lovely people who know me to do the same!

Today was typical. Normal classes. Normal drama. My kids all love each other and hate each other. Parents come to visit. "Miss Chelllllllsea, can I go spit?". Saying "shhhh" for the 612th time. "Yes you have to do your work. No you can't have another sticker." On the up side, during my 45 minute break for Palauan, I went to the library to see Carl and learned how to waltz! While we were practicing, Nelson walked in and gave us the strangest look. Talk about something you don't see every day! After school we had to wait around until board meeting, so I rearranged my classroom and moved all my kids around. Hopefully it'll be better rather then worse for the noise, but compared to other classes, my class is phenomenal. My kids are great! They listen when I tell them to be quiet, and mostly they get along. Mairee is the one who always wants to spit. She is fast in her work and hugs me every morning. Sora is smart, but always cries. He just can't get along with other kids and always wants his way. He and Makani always scream during recess about who is a cheater and who isn't. Shayne sings constantly. She won't stop! During recess, during school, after school. It's just too much! She is the sweetest girl ever though. She stays after school every day to have me read to her and plays with me! Krystal is the one who always tells everyone what is right or wrong. She has an answer for everything and is on of the cutest girls ever. Today in chapel, the 8th grade did a play on drugs and alcohol and she asked me "Teacher, what are drugs?". SO CUTE! Mariah always brings me her stuffed animals to play with. Mizora is quiet but always says "I love you teacher" when I give her a sticker. Max cried the days I was on crutches and couldn't come to school, but as soon as I got back he was fine again. Makani is such a troublemaker but he is too cute not to love with his little mohawk. Today he brought me his drink. When I asked him if he wanted it he said "yes, but I want you to have it". Ichiro calls me over every few minutes to see if his work is correct. Kylie always jumps on my back to travel across the room. Ked loves playing random tag whenever we have a lull in a lesson, which is cute but can be very distracting! Martin is the fastest kid in everything, finishing way ahead with 100%. Mandy is new and on the first day she already latched on to me. One of the cutest girls ever!
After hanging out for a bit after school and waiting for the board meeting to start we got pizza! And cheeseburgers and doughnuts. Even though the meeting was supposed to start at 5:30, the board members didn't arrive until about 6:15, and even then only two showed up! More food for us! We had a great evening of talking and food and it was really fun just to relax. During the meeting I left to go to the bathroom and when I was coming back a cat jumped out of the bushes and ran right across my path! I must have look petrified because my heart jumped up to the roof of my mouth and I just about passed out. Being alone in the dark in Palau is never good for the nerves. I have worship tomorrow for the staff and grading to do, but even though the internet is slower then a salted snail it is just so relaxing to see what my family and friends at home are up to. I feel like there is only a small thread of communication between my "old life" and what I have here. Tammi and I were talking about how sad it is going to be when we have to leave this place. I know everyone says the time goes slow here, but that's what I want! I am dreading Christmas when time is supposed to speed up. I just want to enjoy each and every day here because after this it's back to school! Not that I don't like school, but this is the kind of experience that I will never get again! If only my pictures would load!!

Inspiration

Inspiration is like lightning, cliche but true. Fine, how about this...Inspiration is like walking down the street and falling face first into a manhole that is filled with grape soda; unexpected and life changing. Life is so delicate. I'm sure that I'm not the only person who has a moment and vows to change their life. It's the moment that inspires that decision that I'm interested in. What causes a person to change their whole outlook on life and decide to be different? For me, it's Palau. Here. Now. This is the most indescribable experience I have ever had in my life. There are so many components that all mix together to equal my life right now. I'm inspired by the honesty of other SM's. I'm inspired by children laughing. I'm inspired ants crawling all over my clothes (while I'm wearing them), only feeling hot water once in a month, and the yummy onion and fish casserole that is always at potluck. There are so many things that I want to do with my life, and it's great because I'm 19! I have forever to do it all! I want to read the whole Bible, cover to cover. I want to lose 20 lbs. I want to travel to every country possible and I want to be an SM again. I want to make an impact. I want to thoroughly enjoy each day of my life. I want to choose a career that makes a difference in people's lives.
In case you want to know, I'm reading some pretty fantastic books right now that I can't help but recommend.
1. Do Hard Things by Alex and Brett Harris. This book changed my life. It helped me decide to come to Palau. It is one of the best books that I have ever read and as soon as I finish I want to read it again. Please, please pick it up if you haven't read it.
2. Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Also, life changing. "By their deeds may you know them...". If you want to open up a whole new part of yourself then read this book. This book will push you, and it's definitely in a good direction.
3. The Shack by Paul Young. This book took my idea of God and put it in a blender. It literally took what assumptions I had about God and threw them out the window. If you think you're open minded, read this book-you will find out that you're not at all. This is a fantastic book about forgiveness and a new look at the trinity.
Anyway! Sorry about that little insert, but I'm really in a good place right now. I almost want to move to a place like this. I want to enjoy the simplicity of a place that is not the United States. Can you imagine no cell phone? No, I thought not. I couldn't before this year! Ask my mom, it was literally extended off my fingers 20/7...yes, I said 20/7 instead of 24/7, because contrary to popular belief, I do sleep sometimes. One month ago, I sent 1000 texts a day. One THOUSAND. It is such a rush to be free. The sad part is that when I go back, I know it'll be a necessity. That is just how it is.
So back to Koror. Today was slightly unusual, but in a fantastic way. I started out waking up at 6 am, 45 minutes too early. Last night I found over 500 ants nested into my clothes. I tried to brush them off, spray them off, wash them off, but no. Even after going through the wash, hundreds of ants were embedded in my clothing! So I woke up because after going to bed at 2, all I could think about was ants crawling all over me. You know how your mind plays tricks on you? Well mine was in overdrive. So, I woke up at 6 to start the 30 minute process of picking ants off my clothes with tweezers. After I was finally ready, I went down to staff worship. Then school began! Worship went well, and we had a new student, Mandy, back from summer vacation. She was so cute and immediately jumped on my lap. After worship we had bible which was great because we just talked about the Garden of Eden and drew a picture. Math went okay, of course I never stood a chance of sitting down because as soon as I answered one question, 4 more hands shot up in the air. After we finally battled through addition of 3 numbers, I got a break to grade when they had Palauan. Then we went to recess where I taught them how to play Ninja! They were so good today! They listened to what I said and seemed like they were actually learning! The day got kind of rocky later on because no one wanted to be Sora's partner in PE, Ichiro hit Makani in the face, Kylie knocked Sora down, and someone told Shayne to shut up. BUT, it was still rather productive and I at least ended the day happy. We took pictures in class which is always fun.
After school we had a staff meeting. We talked about policy, rules, and all the committees that our school has. It only lasted two hours... On the up side, I found out that my dad will most definitely be coming for week of prayer! I also found out that Nelson got us all "native Palauan" passes so we can go to the rock islands, jellyfish lake, and the milky way, for only $5. It includes the rest of the year! After the meeting we went back and made dinner and watched a movie. It was rather relaxing and satisfying. While watching the movie, I talked to a few friends on Facebook. One thing led to another and we ended up discussing why I'm here and what my priorities are. It got me thinking and after the movie I just laid in my bed and listened to music. It was right when my head hit the mattress that I realized that I'm here to shine God's love out of my fingertips. I'm not here for an adventure, though that is what I am having. I'm not here to be sitting in my apartment. I'm not here to go to bed early and not spend time with God. I just thought through my life and all the decisions that brought me up to this point. If you've never done it, it's some experience!
Through my eyes this is what you would see:
The sweat forming tiny beads on my forehead.
The sweat forming tiny beads on a warm glass of water.
Grey towels billowing over the windows for curtains.
The empty bottle of ant killer surrounded by dead ants like a battlefield.
Five different kinds of medicine strewn around my room.
Faded Tom's shoes, covered in water marks.
Laundry shriveling in the humid Palauan air.
Papers needing grading, shoved into a lopsided pile by a worn computer bag.
Snapshots of my life.
This is what I see, so this is what you see.

Pictures are finally updating!

crazy kids..

Mariah and Krystal

my class!

A huge spider Makani found!

the bridge between Koror and Airai

coconuts!

riding in the back of a truck!

pretty flowers